One of the easiest things to do online is to make people hate you.
It requires absolutely no talent and can involve a massive pile of random offenses.
Something as innocent as peppering your copy with exclamation points could drive someone to convulse with horror.
Seriously though – don’t do that. It will permanently destroy any credibility you thought you had.
Even if you do everything right, some people will still hate your website. This is ok, UNLESS you have committed any of these seven unforgivable evils.
Our Director of Content and Communications has a personal vendetta against this sin. In fact, he’s written an entire post about using business porn.
What is business porn?
It’s the stock photography that is plastered all over your business site. Think images of the smiling dudes in suits, and women who are delightedly staring at a variety of inanimate objects.
Case in point: Lady with apple
Have you ever seen a real person interact with an apple like that? It’s fake and just a tad creepy.
Look at it again with a green apple:
It might be even worse than the first one.
Business porn is gross. Don’t do it.
How many times have you mocked your website visitors with 404 Errors?
The trauma of clicking through to an error page is not easily forgiven and probably happens more often than you are aware of.
When a visitor lands on a poorly crafted 404 Error page, they must come to terms with the fact that they are a fool. They trusted you by clicking on that shiny blue link and now they realize that they have been lied to. The information that was promised to them is not available and they may never be able to find it.
If you make a habit of doing this, you shouldn’t be surprised at the impressive amount of hate you will generate.
Pop ups have been shown to increase conversions IF they are used correctly.
Video content has been shown to increase engagement IF it is relevant, useful or entertaining.
So how can these two items drive visitors to foam at the mouth with rage?
Just take the decision process out of the equation and assault them with your content:
1) Repetitively shove those popups in their face
2) Make the close button as close to invisible as you can get it
3) And when they miraculously manage to click on it
4) Ask them if they are SURE that they want to get rid of this eyesore that you have forced on them.
Annoying them with your videos is even easier. Simply push the play button for them.
Because who doesn’t love auto play when they have to hunt through 5,700 tabs to find the offensive video and shut it down so the office can go back pin-dropping silence?
How many people do you know who are genuinely patient?
We do enough waiting in our lives and no one is going to thank you for helping them develop the terrible virtue of patience while they wait for your site to load.
A slow website is a great way to simultaneously increase your bounce rate and the world’s hair loss pandemic.
Everyone has that one friend that would make a great getaway driver.
This friend is also someone you never want to end up following to a new meeting place. They float between lanes, signal left and then make a sharp right and hit the gas just before the light turns red and fail to realize they’ve left you behind until after they’ve reached the venue.
When it comes to your website, you should automatically assume that every one of your visitors is directionally challenged.
If it takes them more than a few seconds to figure out how to navigate their way to the page they are interested in then you have failed
Website limbo is awful.
Don’t make your visitors chew off their own limbs to try to escape from the trap you have set for them.
No one cares about you – or how wonderful your product is.
Your visitors want to hear what your products or services are going to do for THEM.
Only amateurs fail to acknowledge their prospect’s inner diva.
This might be the quickest way to experience the horror of watching the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog hurtling toward your face.
The explosion of mobile search has practically mandated that websites must cater to mobile users.
There is also another aspect to consider as you are evaluating how mobile friendly your site is.
Mobile produces phone calls. And trust us, you want phone calls.
We’ve written multiple articles and even put together webinars to explain why calls are better than clicks.